Search Term of the Day

One of the gems that for some inexplicable reason led someone straight to my blog.

“men hands down pants”.

Movie Review – The Mist

Hollywood has practically written a manual on what not to do in horror films – and it follows that manual religiously in 99% of its productions. Here’s your basic horror structure: a likeable protagonist followed by a bunch of stereotypes with “I’m gonna die” carved in the foreheads – and if the stereotype happens to like sex or use any kind of drugs at all, their forehead reads “I’m gonna die FIRST” – and a villain who could be either a ghost or a serial killer. Usually, either of them happen to be incredibly dumb, but the stereotypes are dumber, so they die, and the braindead but relatively clever protagonist wins. So imagine my fucking relief when I watched a movie like “The Descent” and realized that no, the horror genre isn’t dead yet. And fortunately, “The Mist” confirms that.

Based on a tale by Stephen King that I haven’t read, this movie follows the protagonist David Drayton, a movie poster painter who has his work interrupted by a huge storm throwing a tree through his window. On the morning, he leaves his wife to go to the supermarket get supplies. He takes his son, Billy, and gives a ride to his neighbor, Brent, a lawyer with whom he had a problem in the past. Once in the supermarket, the place is surrounded by a thick mist, and it’s quickly proved that whatever is in it is fatal. Trapped, the crowd needs to find a way to get clear of the mist – but they can’t even get clear of the supermarket, their only shelter.

Written by Frank Darabont – also the director – the script’s true power is in its masterful characterization. It completely avoids stereotypes like they were an arse infection. There’s even a certain character who goes through three changes of heart throughout the movie – which efficiently portrays his sad weak-mindedness. David himself is a responsible father and a pretty normal guy – your typical neighbor. He constantly smiles to everyone, calls his son “champ” and “big guy”, a perfectly common person by all standards. So it’s much easier to relate to him being in such a shit situation. His son reacts exactly like a kid like him would to the things he sees, and all the characters have true motivations and beliefs that make them that much more interesting.

Another brilliant move in Darabont’s script is to blur the line between who are the real villains – the things in the mist, or the people in the supermarket, who, after going through horrible experiences, begin listening to the disgusting Ms. Carmody, a religious bitch who says it is all God’s plan. Initially scorned by the people, who until then listened to reason, she starts being praised blindly when things stop making sense – a sad, but true portrayal of the human tendency to believe on what we want to believe. There’s even a moment where a character asks the other, “You have no faith in humanity, do you?” and he responds with a slight smile, “None whatsoever”. The dialogues, in fact, are another strong trait in this film. When one of the best characters, an old lady called Ms. Reppler, throws a can at Ms. Carmody, she says the following gem: “Shut up, you miserable buzzard! Stoning people who piss you off is perfectly okay. They do it in the Bible, don’t they? And I got lots of peas!”

But “The Mist” doesn’t work simply as a commentary on human nature, it’s still supposed to be a horror movie, it’s a really good one. What’s so compelling about it is that it avoids the exact same cliches I listed on the first paragraph. People die randomly. It can be anyone, not mattering whether he or she is good or bad. Not only it makes the movie unpredictable, it also adds to the realism. Some might misjudge the moment a huge insect doesn’t sting Ms. Carmody, but does it to a much more likeable character. Ms. Carmody interprets it as a divine message, but actually, it’s pretty easy to see she isn’t hurt because she doesn’t struggle when the insect lands on her (“Thy will be done”, she prays), while the other character tries to slap it away, and ends up stinged.

What “The Mist” does is to take this ridiculous concept of “Everything Happens for a Reason” and shoot it in the fucking head. This is a pretty personal belief of mine (and nowadays unpopular), but reviews are supposed to be subjective, so — I don’t know who came up with this, maybe some guy who watched too many movies where an object introduced in the first act turned out to be important in the third, but it’s a selfish, ridiculous concept that somehow preaches that God has his eye on you and you only. Meanwhile, people are dying all over the world in horrible ways – but God couldn’t find a space in his agenda to send THEM any signs of what was coming like he does with YOU. And “The Mist” throws that concept in the garbage bin and sets the bin on fire, proceeding to stomp on it. The events of this movie are driven by the characters, not by a larger force at work. And this makes it much more unpredictable, which is why the ending is so fucking efficient (to be discussed in last paragraph. There’s a spoiler warning).

The cast was very well-chosen and it doesn’t rely on star power – which is good, because in a movie with so many characters you’re supposed to like and others you’re supposed to hate, choosing someone like Morgan Freeman would be disorienting. A cast of relatively unknowns was far cleverer. The only truly well-known actress is Marcia Gay Harden – and here, she’s playing a disgusting piece of shit, and she does it so damn well I wondered if she isn’t a disgusting piece of shit in real life. Thomas Jane reveals himself much more intelligent than one would firstly assume – apparently, he recognized what a heap of crap “The Punisher” was and hurried to correct his mistake, taking on a much more complex, tridimensional character. He’s perfect as David Drayton, and his performance in the end of the film is superb. The way he changes from a cool, relaxed guy to a man capable of anything to save his son is natural and plausible. Toby Jones is delightfully harmless as Ollie Weeks, which makes the revelation of his past even more surprising (and intentionally funny: “The Mist” doesn’t shy away from humor, but never lets it destroy the atmosphere). Andre Braugher is efficient as Brent Norton, Laurie Holden is captivating as Amanda, the little Nathan Gamble is expressive and convincing as David’s son, and Frances Sternhagen deserves a fucking award for her work as old Ms. Reppler. Sam Witwer also deserves a mention – his expressive face being one of his best assets. He’s an actor on the rise, no doubt, although he still needs to prove his talent on a major role (I definitely liked his work on the (insert highest compliment you can think of here) first season of DEXTER.

Darabont’s direction pushes all the right buttons for a film like this. The nature of the mist is revealed slowly, building up the tension until what inhabits it is finally revealed. His angles, composition and camera movements are competent and avoid calling attention to themselves at the same time, keeping you immersed. And the editing is very good, something confirmed by the excellent sequence that happens when night falls on the supermarket. Special effects are far from perfect, but are definitely convincing. Cinematography is efficient and the music never, ever tries to scare the audience, leaving that to the visuals. There’s a particularly epic moment as the movie approaches its final minutes – I’m sure you’ll recognize it.

With a powerful, merciless ending, “The Mist” is a genuinely good horror film that makes a sad but quite truthful comment on the nature of humanity and the things we’re capable of when there are “no more rules”.

BEYOND ARE SPOILERS HUGE HUGE FUCKING SPOILERS DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN FILM WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE YOU TWAT SPOILERS SPOILERS FUCKING SPOILERS

Some people might misunderstand the ending, saying the director meant Ms. Carmody was right all along and what David Drayton gets is divine punishment. I bet Darabont causes that confusion in purpose so the religious audience won’t get on his ass. The audience that has their brains inside their skulls, though, might notice the ending is supposed to make you feel bad. Drayton did all he could to save as many as he could, and all he got was endless frustration. People can interpret this message in different ways, but the interpretation that keeps hitting me is how this happens in the real world: good people trying to help us (Bill Hicks, John Lennon, Mahatma Gandhi and countless others) not being listened to like they should. Or maybe, how the good people die so much while bastards like George W. keep on living somehow. The military subplot of this film might be a nod to that, and so might be the soldiers who look at David on his knees in the ending. Or maybe… ah, regardless of what interpretation you choose, it’s still a mercilessly cruel ending that reminded me being a good person doesn’t come with a reward. And it makes “The Mist” not only a brilliant horror film, but a rich experience that stays with you.

The TRUTH at last

My pleasure, mate.

Oh-Oh

DO NOT BE FOOLED

COMPUTER HAS DIARRHEA, ARSE-WIPING REQUIRED

Bugger. The bloody computer – Windows Vista operated, of course – has disappeared with my videocard and is full of niggling little problems that are continuously getting on my nerves. So, I have to back this bastard up and reformat it. I’m using a 4 GB pendrive to back it all up in another computer, so at this rate it will be back to normal at some point around tomorrow morning. Fuck shit bugger.

Uh? Updates? Oh, yes. Well… hang in there, that’s all I can say. Blame Microsoft.

I AM BUSY, MORTALS

Dear very few people who read my blog and do that out of pity, I was busy today and will be busy tomorrow, so expect more Pitch Black comics, reviews and endless ranting on Wednesday.

For the Bed is calling me, with promises of heavy sleeping and dreaming with Selena Spice’s tits being rubbed on my face. Unfortunately, the Bed is a fucking liar. But it’s the only one I have, and from time to time it is merciful.

What? You don’t know who Selena Spice is? Well, my heterossexual male readers and lesbians, type her name on Google Images.

And turn Safesearch off.

You can thank me later.

Comics Review – Crossed #1 and The Walking Dead #53

CROSSED #1

Written by Garth Ennis

Art by Jacen Burrows

Colors by Juanmar

Lettering by ?

In a nutshell: Garth Ennis doing his own version of a zombie story belongs to the Cannot Go Wrong category. Add Jacen Burrows and we’ve got a must-have.

By now, my infinite love for Garth Ennis’ work must be as surprising as Batman’s true identity. Even when his writings are below his usual standards, I still think it’s above the sea of shit consisting of most comic books. An example is “Ghost Rider: Trail of Tears”, which had a weak ending in comparison to the strong story that preceeded it – and I still enjoyed the hell out of it. It’s no exaggeration to say reading Garth Ennis is one of the greatest pleasures I have in my daily life.

So you can imagine the humungous orgasm I had with “Crossed #1″. Ennis’ version of zombies is certainly the scariest one I’ve seen in the genre so far. If you think “28 Days Later” and its zombies with the amazing skill of moving faster than a snail was spooky, wait until you read “Crossed”.

In fact, calling the villains of this book “zombies” is almost innacurate. These people aren’t hungry-for-brains undead. They are people capable of speaking, using their brain to its fullest and with all bodily functions in perfect order – only they are overwhelmed by the desire of doing the worst things they can think of: raping and killing in all ways possible. They’re humans at their worst. And this allows Ennis to be as grotesquely realistic as he wants to be. In this issue, he quickly establishes his story will evade the cliches of the genre when a character suggests salt is the monsters’ weakness and is soon proved wrong in one of the most shocking panels published in comics. Ennis doesn’t patronise his audience: not even kids are safe. In most survival horrors, they are, which is why these same survival horrors tend to be predictable. This is clearly something “Crossed” won’t be.

With a narration in off provided by the main character’s diary (in which once again Ennis proves his skills with prose), the story quickly establishes the world the characters are living in now. They’re not stereotypes by a long shot. Instead of being funny, the moment one of them suggests salt as a possible weapon is actually depressing, because it shows how desperate he is to find a way to turn the world back to what it used to be. There aren’t any comic relief characters, and the protagonist isn’t the leader of the group. So far, they are all simply human.

In complete harmony with Ennis’ script, Jacen Burrows’ art doesn’t hold back on anything. If you thought his “Blackgas” covers were extreme, they’re nothing compared at some of the panels seen in “Crossed”, and this is meant as a compliment. Fuck your sensitivities: if you don’t like blood, you’d be a moron if you bought this book – which practically screams “OH GOD STOMACH CHURNING GORE” in its covers. Knowing that, Burrows goes nuts with his art – without sacrificing his impeccable, subtle visual narrative and facial expressions in the process. Gorgeous work, as usual. As for the colors, they are efficient, no more than that. They could use more personality. The lettering is well-place and easy on the eye. I like the voice of the “Crossed” – we get a glimpse of it in the flashback scene.

“Crossed” is an original take on zombie horror. A grim, realistic tale that has already gotten hold of me two issues in (counting #0, of course). Ennis and Burrows, as always, fail to disappoint.

THE WALKING DEAD #43

Written by Robert Kirkman

Art by Charlie Adlard

Grey Tones by Cliff Rathburn

Lettering by Rus Wooton

In a nutshell: doesn’t explain the coincidences in the previous issue, but works well on its own.

Michonne, Glenn and cia. showing up all in the same issue was a lack of subtlety not typical of Kirkman’s work on this series, and this is what made me consider #52 a below-average issue of “The Walking Dead”. And while he returns to his strenghts in this issue – for the most part – those coincidences are never explained, and another one happens. This book has always been character-driven, and that’s always been its strongest trait – so why in the fuck is Kirkman tossing that out the window, I don’t know.

Let’s get the good stuff out of the way first: characterizations are still very good. I love the scene where Carl and Sophie see each other again, and Carl’s thoughts on her after that. It’s a moment when Kirkman re-establishes they’re just kids, even if one of them has shot zombies in the head. The conversations are good, with interesting dialogue and the return of some great characters – and an intriguing connection between Rick and Michonne.

BUT — come on, Kirkman, you’re better than that. Right AFTER Rick and Carl arrive, a new group of humans shows up? Why does the plot have to follow them around all the time? This is forced, and as the writer of a zombie series famous for its subtlety (at least for me), he should know that. So, unless they followed Rick (which could be revealed in the next issues), it’s still bothersome. I wouldn’t be as worried if the same kind of coincidence hadn’t happened in the previous issue – which kinda sounds like Kirkman’s making a habit of this.

But overall, good issue, with the ever-competent Charlie Adlard doing great artwork and efficient grey tones from Rathburn and lettering from Wooton. Let’s just hope Kirkman can drive this series in its new direction – established in this issue – without using coincidences to speed up the plot.

Hey, You. Yes, YOU.

Why Is The Sky Blue