The Australian Classification Board Vs. Golden Showers And Women Who “Appear To Be” Younger Than 18

According to the internet — always a reluctant source that requires some beating before it spits out the truth along with some teeth — the Australian Classification Board (ACB) did very stupid things recently. Initially, it seemed they had banned women with A-cup breasts from appearing on adult publications, because regardless of the person’s actual age, they think small breasts encourage child pornography, and they have also banned depictions of female orgasms if there is visible ejaculation involved — i.e. squirting.

The thought process behind such a decision is to utterly retarded that even Australia — a country that refuses to allow any videogames rated above 15+ into its borders — deserved the benefit of the doubt. The Tumblr post that pointed me to all this, via cjwhite reblogging sneak046 via Templesmith (at least I think that’s the correct order), pointed to this article.

A little Internet searching allowed me to see where it all stemmed from and how the Internet reacted to it:

- Fiona Patten, member of the Australian Sex Party, publishes this press release.

- Michael Meloni of “Somebody Think Of The Children” picked up on this by writing an article with the title “Australia Bans Small Breasts”.

- Ruth Brown of Crikey.com.au tried to see through the internet uproar this caused with this article. Check the comments section of it — both Michael Meloni and Fiona Patten add to the discussion.

- ACB finally responds to the small breasts/female ejaculation bans on Michael Meloni’s site, “Somebody Think Of The Children”.

The latter article confirms that:

1) APPEARING TO BE under eighteen is enough to ban any image or video of your nude body, regardless of age. The ACB says the breast size is not specified on this guideline. But it’s pretty obvious small breasts can be associated with young age.

2) The fetish known as “golden showers” is banned, not orgasmic squirting. Of course, the ACB seems to be a little lost on the difference.

So I think it’s fair to say that, yes, the members of the ACB who contributed to this are utter fucking morons.

Newsflash to these idiots: women under the age of eighteen can, and often have, perfectly big breasts. I found this out on high school. It was a particularly pleasant discovery. If there is indeed a “small breasts” criteria on a guideline that is already staggeringly stupid, then you all should be kicked in the balls.

To prevent people from seeing women — age-checked by the FBI — modeling or performing on adult publications or films due to them APPEARING TO BE younger than their actual, confirmed age because it might “encourage pedophilia” also shows the ACB’s stupidity. You know what could encourage pedophilia?

Yeah, I’d say actual children could very much be more attractive to a pedophile than a young-looking 25-year-old with pigtails. So I guess the next step is to ban all pictures of children. After all, pictures of children could encourage pedophilia, like pictures of corpses could encourage necrophilia, and violent games could encourage violence, and the ACB’s retarded behaviour could encourage the suicide of every person with a shred of common sense.

So let’s ban everything! That’s the solution. Let’s measure the amount of urine in every woman’s squirt to ensure it is indeed urine-free before it’s made public, because GOD FORBID people started pissing on one another! Imagine how quickly society would collapse!

Apparently the ACB has become a worse problem for Australia than their fauna.

On Obama Winning The Peace Nobel

Let’s talk about this, shall we?

One view is that Obama is, so far, unproven and does not deserve a Nobel Peace prize yet. Another is that the Peace Nobel is not for what one has achieved, but serves as encouragement for what one is achieving.

I did not get the impression encouragement was lacking. Obama is the first black president in the history of the United States, elected in a status of near-worshipping after eight years of Bush and Cheney raping the USA’s collective arse. So yeah, I prefer encouraging people when they need it.

Let’s get this straight first: I like Obama. So far.

But it hasn’t been even a year since he took office. We’re still riding the momentum of something new. Obama has fortunately remained the same Obama from before he got elected, and his efforts have been admirable. But first years are no way to judge someone’s presidency (let alone the first hundred days), especially the first year after eight horrible ones. Obama has tackled the main points of absolute stupidity in Bush’s administration, but more subtle issues lie ahead.

Do I think Obama deserves a Nobel Peace prize? No, not yet, although he’s — er, was well on his way to one. He gets enough praise, and his encouragement consists of being the fucking president.

Mark Mardell, the editor of BBC North America, has said:

“There was already a huge weight of responsibility on Obama’s shoulders, and this medal hung round his neck has just made it a little heavier.”

I do not see this as something positive. He is one man, and men have their limits. You put them on unfathomable pedestals, you’re basically asking to be disappointed.

Mardell is right that Obama already had a huge weight on his shoulders. But according to the rest of his quote, what the Nobel Prize has done was to act like that annoying fuck who keeps pressuring you and putting unreasonable hopes under your responsibility.

I have always disliked Obama worshippers who see him as someone who will fix everything. Being realistic, he might get us on the right path — and so far, he seems to be on the right path for that.

A Nobel right now is more of a distraction than encouragement.

Nevertheless… congratulations. I think this is a bit of an excessive and very early way to show appreciation for his work, but it’s not like he’s been sitting on his ass for these past months drumming his fingers.

Italian Woman Who Would Be Granted Euthanasia Is “Saved” By Emergency Decree

After the court AND the president are in agreement that this woman, in vegetative state for seventeen years, should be granted her wish to die — something her own FATHER has been battling for since 1999 — enter Berlusconi overruling BOTH with an emergency decree. Despicable motherfucker. As for the Pope — calling him an asshole is like calling a female dog a bitch.

Apparently, Christian Bale Is Absolutely Insane

Yes, yes, I know, celebrity news… but this one transcends that label. I’m a great admirer of Christian Bale as an actor, but my respect for him as a person just sinked dramatically. 

During the filming of a scene in “Terminator: Salvation” (or, as I like to call it, “yet another unecessary sequel to a series that ended just fine on the second film”), the director of photography went to check one of the lights and got into Bale’s field of vision (but off the camera’s) while he was acting.

Bale completely lost it. He yells all kinds of insults at the DP while director McG (I have a hard time taking that name seriously) is apparently very intimidated — along with the entire filming crew. I keep trying to come up with justifications for Bale’s behavior, but all that pops into my mind are things like “severely bipolar”, “clinically insane” and\or  ”sociopath”.

Here you go:

Alternate link: http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_audio/020209_christianbale.mp3

UPDATE: For the sake of fairness, I should add – yes, the DP is ridiculously wrong and negligent to walk around the set while Bale – an actor who lost 60 bloody pounds for one of his roles once – is concentrated on his performance. And I should also add that despite the DP apologising, he keeps trying to justify himself — and there’s no actual justification to walking around the set during a scene and “checking the lights”, as if he could still change them while the scene was on.

I can understand the frustration of having your concentration disrupted — but Bale’s reaction is over-the-top, humiliating to the DP and downright prickish.

UPDATE 2: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/39984 For the sake of even more fairness.

Joaquin Phoenix Is A Rapper Now, Starts Career By Falling Off Stage

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/thedishrag/2009/01/joaquin-phoenix.html

I know this is CELEBRITY NEWS, which I horrendously dislike — but I like Joaquin Phoenix, I think he’s a good actor. So, what the fuck is THIS?

And down he goes…

I understand this is what he likes. I know he says he likes the storytelling aspect of hip-hop. But where does it say he likes the hopping-like-a-bunny-on-crack aspect or the walking-like-he’s-just-been-cornholed aspect?

Well… best of luck, Joaquin. But I can’t help wishing you’ll go back to movies. As soon as possible.

In The News…

CNN: “Scientists: true love can last a lifetime.“

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Thank you, I’ll be sure to remember that when I have my first divorce. “Honey, apparently our love wasn’t truthful, it just lasted because you have nice tits.”

In The News…

Inventor builds his own robot girlfriend

An inventor who claims he has never had time to find a human girlfriend has created his own perfect woman — a robot.

Le Trung, 33, from Toronto in Canada, says Aiko can do the cleaning, mix his favorite drink and read him newspaper headlines.

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This guy SERIOUSLY needs to get laid.

In The News…

CNN: Happiness is contagious in social networks.

If you’re feeling great today, you may end up inadvertently spreading the joy to someone you don’t even know.

New research shows that in a social network, happiness spreads among people up to three degrees removed from one another. That means when you feel happy, a friend of a friend of a friend has a slightly higher likelihood of feeling happy too.

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In other news: CNN team on drugs.

In The News…

BBC: Man killed for ‘hogging karaoke’.

A Malaysian man has been stabbed to death for refusing to stop singing and hand over the microphone at a karaoke bar, police say.

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Justice has been served.