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The Australian Classification Board Vs. Golden Showers And Women Who “Appear To Be” Younger Than 18

February 1, 2010 4 comments

According to the internet — always a reluctant source that requires some beating before it spits out the truth along with some teeth — the Australian Classification Board (ACB) did very stupid things recently. Initially, it seemed they had banned women with A-cup breasts from appearing on adult publications, because regardless of the person’s actual age, they think small breasts encourage child pornography, and they have also banned depictions of female orgasms if there is visible ejaculation involved — i.e. squirting.

The thought process behind such a decision is to utterly retarded that even Australia — a country that refuses to allow any videogames rated above 15+ into its borders — deserved the benefit of the doubt. The Tumblr post that pointed me to all this, via cjwhite reblogging sneak046 via Templesmith (at least I think that’s the correct order), pointed to this article.

A little Internet searching allowed me to see where it all stemmed from and how the Internet reacted to it:

- Fiona Patten, member of the Australian Sex Party, publishes this press release.

- Michael Meloni of “Somebody Think Of The Children” picked up on this by writing an article with the title “Australia Bans Small Breasts”.

- Ruth Brown of Crikey.com.au tried to see through the internet uproar this caused with this article. Check the comments section of it — both Michael Meloni and Fiona Patten add to the discussion.

- ACB finally responds to the small breasts/female ejaculation bans on Michael Meloni’s site, “Somebody Think Of The Children”.

The latter article confirms that:

1) APPEARING TO BE under eighteen is enough to ban any image or video of your nude body, regardless of age. The ACB says the breast size is not specified on this guideline. But it’s pretty obvious small breasts can be associated with young age.

2) The fetish known as “golden showers” is banned, not orgasmic squirting. Of course, the ACB seems to be a little lost on the difference.

So I think it’s fair to say that, yes, the members of the ACB who contributed to this are utter fucking morons.

Newsflash to these idiots: women under the age of eighteen can, and often have, perfectly big breasts. I found this out on high school. It was a particularly pleasant discovery. If there is indeed a “small breasts” criteria on a guideline that is already staggeringly stupid, then you all should be kicked in the balls.

To prevent people from seeing women — age-checked by the FBI — modeling or performing on adult publications or films due to them APPEARING TO BE younger than their actual, confirmed age because it might “encourage pedophilia” also shows the ACB’s stupidity. You know what could encourage pedophilia?

Yeah, I’d say actual children could very much be more attractive to a pedophile than a young-looking 25-year-old with pigtails. So I guess the next step is to ban all pictures of children. After all, pictures of children could encourage pedophilia, like pictures of corpses could encourage necrophilia, and violent games could encourage violence, and the ACB’s retarded behaviour could encourage the suicide of every person with a shred of common sense.

So let’s ban everything! That’s the solution. Let’s measure the amount of urine in every woman’s squirt to ensure it is indeed urine-free before it’s made public, because GOD FORBID people started pissing on one another! Imagine how quickly society would collapse!

Apparently the ACB has become a worse problem for Australia than their fauna.

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